Covered In Dust
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: [companion to Hanzai, but it can stand on its own] Fuji returns after seven years to the home that is his home no longer, and the people he left behind.


A/N: This is somewhat of a sequel to my fic "Hanzai" in which many rather depressing things happened. This sequel will focus on Fuji, years later. Beware of some Fujicest.

****

Covered in Dust

Seven years was a long time.

He didn't know what to expect. He didn't even know why he had come here; back to the place that had been home for the first eighteen years of his life. It was not his home anymore. He had cut off all ties with his family, for the sole purpose of keeping Yuuta away from him. He had so badly wanted to see his younger brother, but he knew he couldn't. He would have lost control had he seen Yuuta; lost control, and...he didn't want to think about it. 

So why was he here, about to risk losing that control? Seven years was a long time, but it wasn't long enough to forget the stinging pain of longing. It wasn't long enough to forget how it felt to be deeply in love with his brother, as a way no brother should be.

He had a stop to make along the way. A stop he'd been wanting to make for a very long time. He'd cut off all ties with his old friends, as well, lest any of them run into Yuuta, and give him the address...

He was pleased to find the sushi shop where he'd left it, seven years ago. He was even more pleased to find a familiar face at the counter.

"I'd like wasabi sushi, please."

"Wasabi?" the sushi chef looked at him, blinked at him. "Wasabi...?"

Fuji Sysusuke grinned. "It's my favorite."

The sushi chef blinked a few more times. "Fujiko-chan?"

Fuji's grin grew wider. "Taka-san. It's nice to see you again."

"Fuji!" Kawamura exclaimed. "It is you! I hardly recognized you. It's been so long!"

"Ah, it has. You're looking well," Fuji said. "How is the sushi business?"

"Booming!" Kawamura replied. "When did you arrive in town?" he asked. "It's been so long, Fuji..."

"I know it has, and I'm sorry I didn't keep it touch. I'm rather surprised that you're here still. Actually, I'm surprised the entire city is here. I expected it to be gone," Fuji said. "Everything changes so quickly, and seven years is a long time."

"A very long time! How was university? Are you married? Do you have children?" 

Fuji laughed. "One question at a time, Taka-san. University was fine, I got through all right. I'm not married, and no, I don't have any children. What about you? Have you found yourself the perfect wife yet? I'm sure your children would be adorable."

Kawamura blushed. "Ah, well...I haven't found anyone yet." He had to pause the conversation to serve a customer. Fuji watched him; he was so much more adept at this than he had been seven years ago. Of course, he'd had a lot of practice.

"Ah, Fuji...It's so hard to think of what to say."

"I know what you mean. Did you keep in touch with any of the others?" Fuji asked.

"For a while, but then...well, people move on," Kawamura said, with a shrug. "It's hard to keep the same friends forever, you know."

"I know. You are the only one I thought I would be able to find," Fuji said. Well, except for the person he had come to see...

"And I'm so glad you did! Why don't you stay with me for a few days? We can catch up, and talk about old times, and..."

"I might just take you up on that offer, but before that, I have to go and see my family," Fuji said. "I haven't spoken to them in quite some time." He didn't want to tell Kawamura the full truth, because that would lead to questions -- which would lead to revelations that he wasn't ready for. He didn't want anyone else to _know_ what had really happened seven years ago; the real reason he had chosen to leave the country.

"Oh, of course, of course!" Kawamura exclaimed. "Make sure you come back to see me, though. We need to talk about everything that's happened all of these years!"

"Yes, I would like that," Fuji said. He was almost out the door, when Kawamura caught up to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Fuji...I think that this question might be rude, but I have to ask," he said. "What happened to your smile?"

Fuji knew what he meant. The constant closed-eyed smile he'd worn all through junior high and high school -- his mask. His eyes were always open, now, though he tried not to let his emotions reflect in them too often, and now...he only smiled when he was happy...which wasn't very often.

"I became more honest," Fuji replied. "I'll see you later, Taka-san."

He left Kawamura to think that one over, and went to see his parents. They would surely be able to tell him where Yuuta was.

~~~~~

Fuji's breath caught in his throat when the door opened, and he was faced with a grown-up Yuuta.

You're even more beautiful than you were then, my dear little brother...

Yuuta's eyes widened. "A...aniki? Is it really you?"

Fuji tried to smile, but he couldn't. His heart, which had never healed, was threatening to break again. He'd never gotten over Yuuta, and he didn't think he ever would. If he had come here to prove to himself that he had moved on...then he had failed, miserably.

"It's really me, Yuuta."

They stared at each other for a long moment, before Yuuta ushered Fuji inside. They sat facing each other in the living area of Yuuta's apartment. Neither knew exactly what to say.

"I went to see our parents," Fuji said. "They were very happy to see me."

"Well, no one has heard a thing from you in seven years! What were you thinking, baka aniki?"

Yuuta was still the same as always, it seemed. Fuji couldn't help but smile at that. "Ah, gomen ne. I went to see nee-san as well. She seems to be doing well."

"Three kids and counting...she's crazy," Yuuta said. 

An uncomfortable silence followed. It stretched on, until Fuji could not stand it any longer.

"Mother told me that you were very...detached, after I left," he said quietly.

"Well, you just _left_, after you pulled a stunt like that! I was really...really angry," Yuuta's voice got quieter near the end of his statement. He was reliving the event; and becoming upset all over again.

"I am so sorry, Yuuta. I never meant to hurt you like that. I couldn't help myself. I've always loved you, you know, and I always will."

"Aniki --"

"I know that it's wrong, and I know that you don't feel the same. I never really hoped that you did," Fuji said. "I don't even know why I came back here. Just to see your face one more time, maybe. You've grown up so well, Yuuta. I wish I had been here to see all of it, but I couldn't take it. I couldn't be near you, because it hurt too much."

"Oh, aniki." Yuuta was by his side, with an arm around him. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault. Fate made us brothers," Fuji said. 

"You're the best older brother someone like me could ask for, and I'm sorry to have caused you so much pain," Yuuta said.

"I told you not to be sorry. Somehow, it was all worth it." Fuji plastered a smile onto his face. "Now, I have to go. I probably won't be back this time, Yuuta, but at least now I have a chance to say goodbye properly."

"Aniki, I don't want you to disappear from my life again," Yuuta said, quietly. "I don't want you to disappear like you did seven years ago, but you know that I can't love you the way that you love me."

"I know that." Fuji ran his fingers through Yuuta's hair. He wished...he wished for many things. "Maybe one day when it hurts less we can be brothers again. Until then...think of me, sometimes, all right?"

"I promise I will."

"Goodbye, Yuuta."

"Goodbye, aniki."

Fuji kissed his younger brother on the cheek, then walked out of his life once more.

~~~~~

"You seem very sad."

Fuji looked up at Kawamura. "I have been sad for seven years, Taka-san. Maybe even longer than that."

"What happened to you, Fuji?"

"I fell in love with someone that I shouldn't have," Fuji replied. "Someone forbidden."

"Fuji..."

"I am full of regrets." Fuji sighed. "There's nothing that can be done about regrets, though."

"I know what you mean. You know...Akutsu is still in jail. I stopped visiting him, after a while. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't be his friend anymore. He wasn't the Akutsu Jin I knew."

Fuji remembered that day in high school when Kawamura had told him about Akutsu. He remembered having to drag the information out of him...

"People change, don't they?" Fuji sighed. "Nothing ever stays the same."

"Well, there are some things that don't change," Kawamura said. "You still like wasabi sushi."

That caused a tiny smile to appear on Fuji's lips. "Yes, very much. Do you still go crazy when you hold a tennis racket?"

"Oh, I haven't touched one in years," Kawamura said.

"Really? Then maybe we should have a game," Fuji said. "I can stay in town for a few days, and get caught up, like you suggested."

A wide grin covered the sushi chef's face. "It will be just like old times."

"No. It can never be like old times, no matter how much you want it to," Fuji said, "But we can make some new memories."

Kawamura put an arm around Fuji's shoulders. "Let's go and find some tennis gear. I bet I still have my old racket from junior high lying around somewhere, covered in dust."

"Ah, do you remember the time when..."

Fuji did not know if he would ever be able to face Yuuta as an older brother again, but he hoped that he would. 

Maybe someday the pain of his broken heart would ease, and he would find someone he could love. No one could ever take Yuuta's place in his heart, but maybe someday there would be room for someone else.

For now, he was content to be with a friend; content to lose himself in memories of the past, when things had been maybe a bit simpler.

~~~~~


End file.
